Today started out like any other. It was beautiful weather, classes weren't that bad. But its turned into a bit of a drag honestly. I wrote out several note cards for English (a few inches thick). So all that is left is to write a paragraph etc and turn it in on Wednesday. But I also have to start writing some other stuff and study for a poetry exam to be taken on Friday. Its over poetry, which I can't stand.
Also...got some news that wasn't really that great for me, and I'm torn about it. One the one hand, there really is no reason for it to be a problem. Okay, I have a reason, and if you knew the whole story you would understand, but its not that big a deal. On the other...I was really hoping this would go a certain way and its not going at all like I want to. I'm a bit selfish and I don't want to be. I've been struggling with it all night and I really hate it! I should be happy there is a possibility of it happening at all...but part of me is scared it will turn out like my nightmares keep showing and I'll regret the whole situation. Also, I'll feel even more guilty if I don't do a task I was asked too...even though I have practically every reason in the world not to do it, someone else suffers if I can't go through with it. And I don't want that to happen...but I can't always go out of my way to make things happen. I'm already pushing my limits as it is to make this thing work. Less than two weeks for final decisions to be made...and honestly I don't know how this is going to play out. I'm so scared that I'll regret something, or it won't work at all, or my jealousy will kick in again, or just in general that its going to happen and halfway through it, again I'm going to wish that I had never done it.
Today started out as such a great day...school was fun, I visited the library and checked out some books I haven't read in ages, then I got to work and things just started coming apart... Not to mention that the kids were really bad today...is it Friday yet?
Goodnight my little otters. Hoping your dreams are sweeter than mine....
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18- Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.~
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